i hate days like this when everything seems not alright.
and yet i act like everything's alright.
it started out with me waking up and feeling sore all over.
then i had a convo with charmaine on the phone and it made things worse.
though it isnt your fault girl. (:

i had enough.
like sometimes seriously,
i just dont get it.

yesterday was the floorball matches for invigorate.
we played well for the first match. :D
not so well for the second match.
and everything just went downhill from there.

to bernice and rachel:
lets just heck it.
if we know we didnt say or do anything against our own conscience, its alright.
what matters is we ourselves know and He knows.
(:
dont let words get to us.
much less affect us.
no matter what,
we'll stick up for each other and one or another would always be there for each other.

"People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do"
-sugababes

but in this case,
it was a simple misunderstanding that was blown up cause of words.

what matters is that we live our lives the way that He wants us to.
not judging anyone.
and most importantly,
ignore how a person or people judges us.

went out after lunch to settle some ballet stuff.
got most of the stuff that i needed.
plus some extra stuff.
phew.
one thing off my mind. (:

went to my grandma's place for brownie with ice cream.
:D
that made my day while i ranted about stuff.

i thought that the wound was healed.
or on the way to being healed already.
but who knows.
i heard music that sounded vaguely familiar to what was played then,
and it brought back memories.

as i went down the staircase alone at my grandma's block,
i glanced at the empty void deck opposite.
like i always do.
and i always think back to that three days.

the three days that seemed so unreal.
reality has sunk in.
but i cant get over it.
i thought i did.
but seems like i havent.

i felt sad deep within.
the memories were so vivid.
and it was like this sore spot.
i keep thinking of the whole atmosphere.
and i can still remember how everything looked like exactly.

it can be compared to my peeling toes.
though that would seem like a small matter compared to that.
its on its way to healing.
then one day,
when a whole series of things happen.
it all builds up,
and the thin layer of skin that just grew out gets torn again.

its justs refuses to heal perfectly.
its isnt impossible.
just hard.
very hard.

and sometimes i just dont get people.
its strange how they think.
and somehow everything comes out very wrong.
is it selfish behaviour?
or is it the way that they take the people around them for granted.
and perhaps treating them for fools.
or something worse.
just doing something when you feel like it, or you need to do it.
and at other times, they just get thrown to the mental bin in your mind.

im just so sick and tired.
im not going to care anymore.
and dont expect me to.

LOVE.

Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story